Why I Don't Want to Keep Your Baby
We recently asked a group of our surrogates how they would reply to the question:
How do we know the surrogate won’t want to keep our baby?
The answers were amazing, thoughtful, and funny! See for yourself, and let us know if you have any questions you would like answers to!
From Julie S: I have 2 children of my own. Our family is complete. Yours, however, is not. I want to help you have the children you want and deserve!!!
Jazmine: I got asked this a lot and I always said #1 I had a tubal ligation after my last child since I was 100% certain I was done with having my own children, and #2 you “go into” surrogacy KNOWING the outcome...which is to carry a child for someone else. So at no point did it cross my mind “maybe I can’t give this baby away” because from the very beginning, that is the expectation and the known outcome...so many people act like it’s the same as adoption, as if we are “giving our baby away” and that’s just not the case.
Jennifer R: My husband and I felt our family was complete and don’t want more children of our own. The surrogate babies never felt like mine because you know so far in advance that they are going home with their real parents.
Kaylee: Not only can I legally not keep someone else's baby, but I do not want another. I have 2 children and had a tubal ligation 4 years ago because I do not want anymore kids, but I absolutely love being able to help another family grow their family.
Katie: Seeing my sister in law go through infertility I saw the struggles she faced, I felt her pain. all I want as a surrogate is to be that saving grace. To be able to help a couple receive the greatest gift of all. All I can think about is the day I get to see my IPs face when they hold their baby for the first time. I think about when I held my daughters for the first time and being able to see those feelings and know I did that. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt. Almost every single person I talk to bring up “that would be hard to give the baby away at the end.” But only a certain type of person can do this because you have to have the mindset of it’s not your baby. I cant see it being hard at the end because my goal is to help a family get their baby that they want and deserve, all I can see is the joy and the love this baby is bringing and I helped do that. While I do want another child that’s not the goal of this journey so my mindset isn’t even thinking about that.
Kylie L: I don’t want any more babies of my own, so I for sure don’t want to keep someone else’s! It’s like babysitting, you love the kids you were taken care of, and you want to keep them safe and happy, but the minute their parents get off work you are more than happy to send them with their parents!! ❤
Rebecca S: If I’m completely honest and this is to not be rude but the baby looks nothing like me. I think they’re extremely cute but I look at the babies and I don’t see myself in them plus with my family not having any attachment just support it’s easy to know it’s not my own. And another reason is sleep ha I get to go home and enjoy a full nights rest and cuddle with my little one knowing I won’t have to wake up every couple of hours, it’s awesome ha
Plus you see the parent/s face when their baby is born and you know you did the best thing for someone or a couple.
Jessica: When I signed up to become a surrogate I was a single mother of two. The last thing I was thinking about was having another child of my own I certainly never considered going through IVF and keeping someone else’s child. I never once felt like the baby i was holding was mine. I would tell people who asked “It has been their child from the beginning, I’m keeping him safe for now and I’ll be returning him to his parents... kind of like a long term nanny without all the dirty diapers”
Brittnee: When I first decided to become a surrogate I knew with complete certainty that I didn't want anymore children of my own!! You go into this journey knowing the baby isn't yours, but also finding out the struggle the IPs have gone through I couldn't imagine or fathom trying to keep their baby and add even more heartache to their struggle. It is such a blessing to be able to carry and keep their little one safe, but I didn't have the emotional attachment during the pregnancy like I did with my own. I also knew at the end of the day the joy the IPs would experience when they finally have their little one...I couldn't imagine taking that from them. Plus, I enjoy knowing at the end of the journey I get to go home to my own kiddos and not have to tackle the newborn stage all over again!
Terra: I don’t want to keep their baby because I only want to help start or complete their family. Going into surrogacy, you know this baby is not yours and being pregnant with a surrogate baby is such a different feeling. My entire pregnancy I felt so grateful to be doing this and knowing the end result of the baby being in their parents arms, was heart warming and even still makes me teary eyed. The look on my IM’s face when she saw her baby enter the world, I cried my eyes out. I will FOREVER cherish, THAT moment. I did that for them, and that’s the exact reason I’d never want to keep their baby.
Clarissa: My family is complete. So complete that my husband and I both took the very permanent steps to make sure we didn’t have anymore kids. Plus I really enjoy sleeping through the night again. Surrogacy is like extreme babysitting, you get to hang out with the kid but know that at some point you get to give them back to their parents. Also my kids love getting to help another family but they don’t want anymore siblings.
Amber: I knew I wouldn’t keep the Lo because I knew the amazing feeling I had with my own kids and once I decided to be a surrogate I knew I’d be giving the ips that amazing feeling when they held their baby for the very first time. That to me was the absolute thing on my mind. I never once thought of keeping the baby that was not mine.
Danielle: The two I already have are more than enough for me, plus giving another family the opportunity to experience all the highs and lows of child rearing brings me so much pleasure. Ultimately though, it comes down to sleep. I love it, it’s one of my favorite things to do, and I’m not ready to give it up again.
Jenn O: I’ve completed my family and am excited to helps others either start or complete their own family. I am happy to give them their baby because I don’t want to do the baby stage again too!
Skai: Surrogacy is a selfless act, not a selfish one. If I wanted to keep the baby, I would get impregnated naturally, no shots. I decided to become a surrogate because of the ability to make someone else’s dream come true. Mine as already come true with my own baby and own family. It’s their time to shine.
Amanda P: Easy, it’s not my baby! I am just the oven. It is fulfilling to me knowing that I can help a couple to have a family!
Nikki S: I have completed my family and we have 3 children of our own. I have always wanted to be a surrogate to help build a family for someone else. For me, the motivation to be a surrogate is the end result of watching a deserving family meet their baby for the first time!
Talina: I have 2 children of my own that complete my family. I knew I only ever wanted 2 kids and that’s why I had my tubes tied after my second baby! I loved being pregnant though. I knew before inquiring about surrogacy that it wouldn’t be my baby, that I’m doing this to help another complete their family.